Mr. Man’s Wife shared with her readers her frustrations when her family members kept pressuring her to visit them, and to start a family.

Mr. Man’s Wife’s brother and his family live in Norway, and for the past four or more years he’s been inviting Mr. Man’s Wife to visit them but time and again, Mr. Man’s Wife said that she would love to visit him in Norway but Mr. Man wouldn’t be well enough for the journey, and he couldn’t cope with being away from the home for more than a few nights, either in Norway or in a respite home.

Everyone keeps telling me how it would do Mr Man so much good if he would go - the fresh mountain air and picnics by the sea; it’s so tranquil – as if one trip to Norway will cure him forever. My brother recently sent me this beautiful picture of the scenery where he lives, and asked me the same question yet again, as if somehow seeing the view will miraculously make Mr Man well enough to go.

When will people understand that when their “gentle encouragement” doesn’t help me find a solution, it just depresses me? I’ve learnt to accept my situation the way it is, so why can’t other people just accept it as well? Why do they have to keep reminding me of what I can’t have instead of encouraging me to be grateful for what I’ve got?

Mr. Man’s Wife has the same problem with her family when it comes to babies. When they got married, it was actually she who was the sick one. Then of course Mr. Man became ill too. They always said they would review the baby situation when they had been married for 5 years, but on their 5th anniversary, Mr. Man was an in-patient on a Psychiatric ward. He had been there for 5 long months and had attempted suicide 3 weeks earlier.

It’s probably because we seriously considered parenthood for a while that I now have problems with my family going on about children again.
“You’re not getting any younger, it might be too late soon.”
“Thank you Mum, I’m aware of that.”

What exactly am I supposed to do about it? I don’t have a magic wand. I can’t make Mr. Man well. I can’t make myself well. I can’t make us fertile!

Mr. Man’s Wife is right that other people’s “gentle encouragement” can be very depressing, especially when it comes to matters that only one knows best. Outsiders may claim that they’ve been there and done that, but seriously, everybody’s situation and worries are NOT the same.

Perhaps we should learn to keep our “gentle encouragements” to ourselves unless it is really necessary to voice them out. Otherwise, we may as well be pushing our loved ones nearer to the brink of depression.